today i hate my job

Big Time and there it is. What are you going to do about it, right?

I'm feeling incredibly frustrated because 1. my supervisor is never around, 2. I keep getting work dumped on me, and 3. I'm not getting paid more now that I've taken on new responsibilities.

Now the fabulous thing about working in nonprofits is that they tell you that you'll be getting this and that. I've had about 13 scheduled meetings (that were then cancelled) to talk about the raise that I've been promised. But here I am, weeks later, and still no discussion. I'm impatient, it's true. But it's just this sort of brush off that makes me so pissed that I start looking at other jobs and muttering "fuck it" under my breath while searching the Help Wanted ads.

On a happier note, the other day Aaron and I came up with all sorts of lists for all the words we could think of that meant "penis", "vagina", and "bottom." It's a good game. Really.

Running for my life

I think I have reverse distorted body image. I don't think I'm fat and am in reality a bean pole. On the contrary, I think I look pretty good and then I catch a glimpse in the window of a store and I'm like, "Good God! Look at that huge ass!" and lo and behold, it's mine.

So I started running again this week and it's been mostly pathetic. I can run for less than a half an hour (read about 2 miles) and then I'm completely winded, I can feel the pounds of bacon sloughing around and clinging to my very old, hidden and currently unused muscles.

Hard to believe that just six months ago I was running miles in the double digits and a 6 mile run was a short day. But now I'm parked at a desk 32 hours a week. And we have an elevator.

did i really agree to that?

So I've been trying to get myself out there in my writing again. And so I told a small local paper that I would write an article about "Condo Conversions" in Maine, and more specifically in Portland... And now I am freaking out about it. I'm going to meet the editor tomorrow to "show him what I've got." And what have I got? Big fat nothing.

Shit.

good thing i don't have balls...

because i would have sweat them off at this point.
it's about 95 degrees and my body is not used to it. noone is prepared for warm weather up here. it happens so rarely, that when it gets hot four days of the summer, we all just melt into worthless goo. the shops close, noone goes out of the house. just ridiculous.

figuring out my life in 200 words or less

So I have made a decision. Thank you for your input, Cate and Conor, and for all the people I harassed through email and other electronic means.

I've decided to stick with the job and see where it goes. I've also decided that there's no way I'm giving up my school aspirations, so I am going to take one class while working and see how that goes. Bottom line is, I'm not willing to give up such a great job at the place where I want to work. Good jobs are way too hard to find, and exceptionally hard to find in Maine.

So that's it. Done. Now I can stress about other things, like whether or not I might be pregnant.

I know. Honestly. I'm goddamned crazy.

Owen Steps Out

hmmmm? wha? what's this thingy?
where... how does this all make it happen...?

yank, yank,

oof. harumph. wheeeeeeeeeee

**zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz**

waaaaaaaa
mama mama mama mamama mommy mommy mamamammammmmaaaaaaammmmmmmaaammmie


No, not some B grade porno. That was a recreation of Owen discovering the inner workings of an electrical socket.

Advice Needed

Please advise...

As I think all of you know, I have been planning to go back to school in the fall. My plan is to get my masters in religion & sexuality/reproductive health. It's a good combo of all the things that I'm interested in, and keeps me connected to the HIV/AIDS stuff, women's health, etc.. I'm even thinking of combining it with classes at UNE's Public Health program. It's just a really nice mix.

Okay, so that was the major plan. The only question remained-- how would I do school and work? Would I work a few hours and do school full time? PT school? PT work? It was all kind of up in the air.

Meanwhile, I'm getting this offer from the E.D. to get a promotion. To do HR stuff and really do policies and head things up. She makes it sound like she's grooming me to do "big things" or something. All of this is very nice and strokes my ego and all that. So today, I talked with my E.D. about school in very hypothetical terms. I did not put a time frame on it, but I told her of my plans for a masters degree and how I felt that that would play into the organization. She basically said that if I go back to the school this fall (or earlier than next fall) then she doesn't think it (meanind working here) will be do-able. She believes that if I gave a year commitment here (until next August), doing policies and stuff (which i love, by the way), then after that, FPC could be very flexible with my going back to school.

So do I stay at FPC this year and do only part-time school?OrDo I go back to school as planned and just volunteer or something at FPC and let the job go?

Help! Help!