minor freak out

So I'm freaking out a little bit about this whole preggo thing. Not being pregnant-- I genuinely like that. I think it's cool how your body changes and I even find the emotional outbursts a little bit enjoyable.

What I'm freaking out about is the having two actual kids, thing. Dealing with two. Not sleeping. Not losing my mind. Keeping my job. Keeping the peace. Keeping a house together (damn those dishes!).

People are not helpful. When I was in high school (and full of angst) I said that sometimes people like to see you drown, just to help wring the water from your clothes. I feel that way these days. People are saying the most HORRIBLE and probably truthful, things about what it's like to raise two kids. Basically hell on earth, no time EVER for yourself or spouse, feeling torn, neglecting someone all the time (most notably self)...

So I'm a little freaked. Get your kids to like each other. Give quality time equally. Be patient and kind. And forever understanding. Work hard at work, god forbid letting that slip. Keep it all... together.

I don't know if I can really do that.

baby beats

so we went in the other day to hear the whoosh whoosh of the babe's heartbeat. It was strong and clear. I couldn't help but giggle at the sound- nothing beats that sound. It's like a "wub, wub, wub", like wings beating under water or something. It's amazing to me how it all works and how the baby forms... And all while I'm still living, eating, talking, and otherwise going about my business. Helps to remind and explain to me why I cry at the drop of a hat, fall asleep at 7:30 p.m., and pee all night long.

Troubling Cartoons

Can someone please tell me why, oh why, is Caillou bald?!?! I've been trying to figure this out for ages. No one else in the family is bald. Is he adopted? Even his 2-year-old sister has more hair than he does. It's perplexing. Is he sick? Is his hair just really really thin and wispy?

beans make me cry

Honestly. I cried the other night because I couldn't get the beans to soften. Apparently I didn't boil for long enough or simmer at the appropriate temperature... In fact, I didn't really even know what "simmer" meant until Aaron explained it to me. I'm no Martha Stewart.

So this pregnancy hormonal thing is ridiculous! I mean, crying about beans? Seriously.

can i handle

...another baby? I mean, seriously. Owen and I "had words" this morning... Which is difficult, seeing as he can not yet speak in complete sentences. Aar and I are definitely IN for it. And also, how on earth do you get your kids to like each other?? My friend AJ is one of 8 kids, and she is like a pea in a pod with her sibs. My brother and sister and I are... fine... but we aren't the best of friends. Half the time my brother doesn't even say "boo" to me. How do you manage that, exactly?

I can't possibly be a good role model, here.

Help, parenting "experts".

Stress

People say that there is good stress and bad stress, but that it's all stress. I'm not sure that I would ever classify stress as good. Even if it results from "good" things (like a wedding day or upcoming birth of a child or something), stress still sucks. I hate it.

I am currently stressed about... of all things... work. I hate being stressed about work almost as much as I hate being stressed about money. Work is really pretty good for me. I am still getting used to my new job, being the big boss lady. Pissing people off with my decisions. Knockin' heads and takin' names, as I say to Aaron. It's a good job. I like the people. I like what I do. But sometimes, some of those decisions really put a knot in my stomach. And that's happening right about now, as I sit in my office, at 8 o'clock on a Monday night.

I would much rather be reading about Lindsay Lohan or TomKat. Why haven't I heard anything about them lately??? When is that girl going to pop, anyway?