art is fabulous

i am so incredibly excited it's ridiculous. my art show starts this friday and i just finished framing the last piece. amazing what a mat and frame will do. it looks like real art. it's very cool and i just can't get over it. tomorrow night we hang the show and then the public will see. i'll be exposed. i was so scared about that for so long, but now i just feel... ready.

other than that, things are good. i'm doing more hr stuff at work and i'm into it. i actually get my rocks off writing policies and procedures. when did i become that person? i know it's not forever and not what i want to do for the rest of my life, but it's good for now. i like setting up systems... am i the quintessential dork now? probably.

i also decided that grad school, here i come, as of the fall. that's liberating. still have to figure out the financing, but it feels much more do-able than it did at first.

owen now says "truck" whenever Aaron walks in the door, because he is fascinated by the beastly machine that Aar uses for work. so funny to see such a "boy" from such a young age. i still get him wearing rhinestone trimmed red striped jeans, though, so there's still hope for a man who's in touch with his feminine side.

sicky

so i've been sick. and that sucks. now owen is sick as well. that sucks even more.

my art show at the coffee shop is in a week. i am basically a wreck about it. today i went to the frame shop i used to work at to have some mats cut. it was good because i got some positive feedback. i wish that job wasn't so mind-numbing because i liked the "working with my hands" part of it.

in other news, i'm trying to figure out my life as it will look next fall. i am going back to school, but full-time or part-time will depend on how much cash i get and whether or not the state will give O health insurance. my school doesn't offer it, aaron doesn't get it, so we're pretty much up a creek. if i work 20 hours and go to school p/t, i can still get insurance from work, although i'll probably make less than insurance actually is, which is sad and ridiculous.

toxic friends

okay, so last time i tried to talk about this topic, i sounded like britney spears. i will try harder this time.

i have this friend who continually shoots me down. why do i hang out with said friend? i don't know.

everything she says, i have to remember, is about her. it is not about me. said friend is stuck, i think, and tends to... lash out, shall we say... when good things happen for me. yesterday, i came back from an interview at local school (where i applied for graduate study), and it went really well. i was pretty high on life. and i tell her about it, and WHAM-- she hits my insecurities right between the eyes, with, "Oh yeah. Apparently they say that [good things] to everyone. They really need more students, I guess." ouch. honestly. why am i still friends with this person???

Anyway, my interview was great, and at least I know I'll be going to school next fall. Woo-hoo! I am so ready to get back into the thick of it!

things percolating

there are a lot of things percolating in my life right now. a lot of stuff up in the air, and all, it seems, related to "my future." the big thing, the whole deal, the... destination. i'm waiting to hear from schools. i have an interview with Bangor Theological next Monday. i also have an interview for a p/t director of religious education position at a local UU church (while i am buddhist, this might sound a little funny. but this church has no creed. it takes everyone. it takes a world religious view- they talk & accept people as they are- humanist, earth-centered, etc. Aaron calls it a "hippie church" which is absolutely right up my alley). There's also a p/t editor position opening up at the alumni office of Bates College. It's a "work at home" position (perfect!).

then of course there's the art stuff coming up. i've got the small show that i hang at the end of this month. i also found out that a woman i work on the tntp board with is a photographer and will take slides of my work FOR FREE. and i found an "in" at a local gallery. i don't know... things are just clicking for me right now.

so there's a lot of stuff out there, that i've kind of thrown myself into the wind. it's really really scary.

Owen's 15 minutes of Fame

if o could talk in complete sentences, i think this would be his blog post today:

"i love to spin around. i think it's pretty fricken funny. today i was spinning around and mommy was looking at me. her mouth was wide open. i decided she approved, so i started clapping while spinning. then i fell over. that was wicked cool.

i forgot my blankie at home and nearly lost my shit. not funny at all.

peas fit up my nose really well. i think i will go by 'captain pea nose' from now on. please forward calls to my secretary.

buh-bye. love youuuuuuuuu."

oh and by the way

we did get the two-unit approval!
this means we can stay in portland and have money to pay our bills.
wahoo! very excited that after two years of bullshit, this actually amounted to something.

also, saw "Joe Versus the Volcano" last night for the first time. I liked how Meg Ryan was a few different characters. I don't really like Meg Ryan, though, and she did a really bad job at doing different accents. She also looked bad as a brunette. While "Joe" was a bit entertaining, I was not as excited as I was with the film, say, "Splash."

coming out of hiding...

it's been forever since i last posted. sorry cate-- miss you!

i've been doing a bunch of soul searching and reading and doing "the artists way". i've been doing these morning long-hand sessions... trying to figure out why i have no childhood memories. focusing on my artwork. focusing on me and what i want in life.

i've come to a lot of conclusions and i'm feeling really good about where i'm headed. things seem clearer. more on that later.

what i am looking for now is positive reinforcement on my art. aaron is giving me a ton. but i want it from my second circle. my 'first circle' are those people in my life who know me better than all others: they are family and tight, tight friends. the 'second circle' are those people who are close, but know me in one capacity or another... they know parts but not the whole. i am looking to those people to come and say, "hey, you are talented. i like your stuff. you are real, you are..." one of the things i'm realizing about myslef is my unending quest for approval. in short, my experience has been that once i've made a mistake/bad decision/or the "real" me has reared it's ugly head, i'm faced with disapproval which leads to abandonment. and that's the real fear. losing people.