I mean, come on. Are these kids cute or what?! I had last week off and am having a tough time coming back to work and leaving them to be raised by others. I know it takes a village... but sometimes guilt gets the best of me. Today is one of those days. If I were an alien coming to earth, I would think it's weird that we have all these kids and then all these hundreds of daycares started to raise them. What?! I mean, it's bizarre. Part of me wishes back to the days of raising kids in community (I guess we kind of are...). I don't know. I could talk and think and philosophize on that all day, probably.

I feel better about the whole "evaluation" thing. Thank you Cate and Conor-- it did help. I know it's all good. I'm glad I'm doing what I'm doing.

I'm feeling weepy today, so I guess I'll keep it short. O-Bird is going to a speech therapist next week. I'm also setting him up to see an OT... thinking there might be some sensory stuff going on (everybody's got some kind of sensory stuff these days it seems like). Could be tied to his inability to use the potty, to his jamming things into his mouth, etc. It's actually really fascinating and I feel oddly lucky to be exposed to all this information. I know he's going to be fine. I'll be fine, too!

It's sparked the creativity bug in me. There are all those crazy 'zines out there... two of my favorites are Hausfrau and Hinky... so I've decided to put together my own. It's completely all for my own sanity, I'm realizing. There is some funny funny shit that happens to you once you are a parent. How do I feel in my mamahood these days? I'm embracing it. I'm loving it. I'm freaking out.

the evaluation

I was just reading an old post that I wrote two years ago about Owen. At that time, he was with a different day care provider who I felt was always jumping on my case around my parenting habits. But something in that post was haunting me... and lo and behold... When Owen was 14 months old, this woman told me she thought I should have him "evaluated".

I completely brushed her off. I mean, come on. I figured that she only had girls and didn't know what she was talking about. Slow to talk? Isn't that the deal with all little boys?

So last Thursday my NEW day care provider, who I love, who O-Bird has been with since 18 months.... she pulls me aside and says, "Maybe you should think about having Owen evaluated..." She went on to talk about his speech patterns and about the fact that she thinks he'd get along better with the other children if he could effectively communicate. And he cannot.

First thoughts: He's slow. I knew it. He doesn't have any friends. He's never going to have any friends. But I can understand what he says. Why can't other people? Does she know what she's talking about? Is he just mean to the other kids? Is he pushing them? Have I failed him?

She assured me that he isn't mean spirited and that he really just seems to have a hard time communicating. "He is delayed," she said. So now I'm thinking, did I drink when breastfeeding? Is this my fault? Does he have defective genes?

But more, I'm brought back to the woman who talked to me two years ago and her request for him to be evaluated. Was this my first big, huge parenting 101 mistake?? Have I cost him years of important "work" with an OT, PT, Language Pathology? I don't even know what "language pathology" is! I'm an unfit parent! AUGH!!!