the evaluation
I was just reading an old post that I wrote two years ago about Owen. At that time, he was with a different day care provider who I felt was always jumping on my case around my parenting habits. But something in that post was haunting me... and lo and behold... When Owen was 14 months old, this woman told me she thought I should have him "evaluated".
I completely brushed her off. I mean, come on. I figured that she only had girls and didn't know what she was talking about. Slow to talk? Isn't that the deal with all little boys?
So last Thursday my NEW day care provider, who I love, who O-Bird has been with since 18 months.... she pulls me aside and says, "Maybe you should think about having Owen evaluated..." She went on to talk about his speech patterns and about the fact that she thinks he'd get along better with the other children if he could effectively communicate. And he cannot.
First thoughts: He's slow. I knew it. He doesn't have any friends. He's never going to have any friends. But I can understand what he says. Why can't other people? Does she know what she's talking about? Is he just mean to the other kids? Is he pushing them? Have I failed him?
She assured me that he isn't mean spirited and that he really just seems to have a hard time communicating. "He is delayed," she said. So now I'm thinking, did I drink when breastfeeding? Is this my fault? Does he have defective genes?
But more, I'm brought back to the woman who talked to me two years ago and her request for him to be evaluated. Was this my first big, huge parenting 101 mistake?? Have I cost him years of important "work" with an OT, PT, Language Pathology? I don't even know what "language pathology" is! I'm an unfit parent! AUGH!!!
posted by freak mama at 11:56 AM
2 Comments:
I've been thinking on this one for a while. Here are my thoughts:
1. Dr. Jack Newman, a pediatrician and breastfeeding expert superstar (endorsed by LLL) says that drinking while breastfeeding won't hurt baby. Any damage comes in the form of failure to thrive (a weight gain issue) - nothing to do with brain development. So if you've got a lingering thought in the back of your head that maybe that beer you had that one time is why O's speech isn't fully developed, don't let it drive you crazy because it's not true.
2. Back when the previous childcare provider commented on Owen's development, your assessment was absolutely right. Girls develop speech much faster than boys, and any speech therapist type person you would have taken Owen to at that age would have wanted to wait until now to see how things progressed anyway, so don't stress about lost time.
3. Conor was "delayed" when he was young, and now he's working on PhD.
4. You are SO NOT AN UNFIT PARENT. You are an awesome rockstar of a mommy who I look up to. I loved watching you interact with Owen this summer and really admired your parenting skills. And I can't wait to meet Vivi.
5. I hope this makes you feel better. As a fellow INFJ, I know how hard it is not to blame yourself and worry incessantly, but try not to because Owen is going to be FINE.
6. Keep me posted.
7. Love, Cate
11:48 AM
Hi Anne,
Don't beat your self up too much over this. O-bird is still really young and all sorts of things are correctable. In second grade I was diagnosed with dyslexia...suddenly it made sense as to why I struggled so much in school. I just didn't have the capacity to learn things the way other kids do. 21 years later I am still in school and loving it. In fact I still claim that 1st grade and 4th grade presented me with the greatest academic challenge I have ever faced. I scored in the third percentile of the language portion of our statewide standardized test in 2nd grade. That means 97 percent of the kids my age did better than me. Even though I was seven when they first realized my "disability" I think I have recoverd and excelled quite nicely since then. It certainly took alot of effort and every day I encounter reminders that yeah I am dyslexic (like trying to spell the word dyslexic). I think you should be glad that you have the opportunity to do something about this at such an early age. I think you did the right thing at 18 months, and you are doing the right thing now too. Boys are boys, kids are kids, they develop and learn in different ways. After trying it on his own for a couple years O-bird just needs a little help communicating...its no biggie. By the way it turns out there is high probability that both my father and my grandfather have the same form of dyslexia...I think you should blame this all on Aaron.
Good luck,
Conor
1:26 PM
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