pms moment

i apologize for my drunken typing the other night. worse than drunk dialing, it's there in black and white.

thinking about how others are getting work burnout, and i am getting just regular old life burnout. i just feel so rushed all the time. i rush to get owen out the door in the morning, rush to work, rush home, rush to make dinner/do house & yard projects/ see people i'm "neglecting." it's just non-stop.

it's not that i don't love my job, and i love being a mom... but it's almost as though, when i'm at work, i feel guilty that i'm not home wiht owen. and when i'm at home, i feel guilty that i'm not working nights and weekends at work! there's no winning involved!!

and i come home at the end of the day, and i'm just toast. each morning, i can barely squeeze my eyes open. there's no sleeping in, no shitting in peace, no doing anything without someone pulling at me (either emotionally or literally).

it's like, some days, i just want to do everything for me and let everybody and everything else just fall by the wayside.

intoxication station

sp i'm a little intoxicated at the moment.

life is good and i am soooo lucky. i want to keep doing art to keep me sane. i want to keep writing and doing the visual art. it keeps me real.

i miss you, `cate. i want to come out and see you. i'm making plans to do so, if you'll have me. just having realizations of how important it is to keep up with people who are with me as i am. you are one of those people. thank you. i can
t wait to know conor more. i am a better version of who i was 5 years ago. i think that's why it's hard for me to think about reunions and such. i'm just... different now. i'm so much more real.

sold one!

so i just found out yesterday that i actually sold one of the pieces at the coffee shop. that feels really good and i'm psyched.

aaron and i have been having some really good conversations lately and i'm feeling so lucky to have him in my life. it just makes things... easier.

i talked with someone out of the blue from high school the other day and she wants to know if a 10 year reunion is being planned (i.e. by me) and i told her i wasn't sure yet. i'm not sure i want to put any effort into that. what exactly goes in to doing a reunion? will i have to sit at a table with buttons? who knew at age 17 that being a class "officer" would mean i'd have to actually care about seeing any of those people again, and actually doing the work to get them all together under one roof again?

owen is really perfecting the temper tantrum and some days i think i'll go out and buy all those books that i used to sneer at (titles like difficult children and tame that temper). but inevitably i just sneer again, and think, "isn't this supposed to be intuitive?" stay tuned because another post by o is bound to present itself in the near future.

grrr

i just wrote a really nice, long post, since it's been so long since i last wrote. then i deleted it all by accident. grrr.

here are some of the highlights:
1. we adopted a cutie cutie bulldog named "tuna." she kicks all kinds of ass.
2. owen continues to have health "issues" which we believe are related to food allergies.
3. i started running again and am feeling much better.

more soon.

Plastics Bad

Please read this article from the LA Times. Many of you don't yet know that I'm part of a small organization in Maine that strives to teach people about the toxic dangers in our personal environments. This covers everything from the ingredients in your household products, to the mold in our kids schools, to the pesticides you use to kill pesky bugs. We want to educate people so they can make smarter consumer decisions, because this shit totally effects your health. So read on...

buy my art? and other thoughts

wow. that's all i can say to describe the way that i'm feeling.

the art is up. and it's been really well received. a few people have expressed interest in buying; i've gotten gallery contacts; one man even offered to pay a GRAND (that's $1,000!!!) for a piece! it's so hard to believe... i'm just in amazement. wow. i'm absolutely on cloud nine. i'll keep you posted as things happen.

in other news... my sister is home for the weekend, and i've just missed her so terribly. it is wonderful to see her and her new pregnant belly. so wonderful and amazing. we had some really great talks today and touched on a subject that i've been struggling with lately: i have no childhood memories. turns out, renee doesn't have any either. we talked about how the things we do "remember" don't seem to be real. it's like, we've been told the same stories over and over and have seen all the pictures, so we started constructing memories. my mom said that that's a sign of trauma. that when kids have traumatic childhoods, they block it. we laughed about how we don't remember being abused or anything like that. but it does get you thinking. what happened? what about you, out there, three readers... do you remember things from your youth? anything at all?