Clued in to "Mommy Blogs"

So I'm sure everyone on blogger.com knows about the rise of these so-called "mommy blogs" thanks to the NY Times article last week... I felt a little slow on the uptake. Now, however embarrassingly, I am hooked. These folks-- they are my homies. Honestly. Sometimes you just forget that there's a whole world out there of frazzled moms. It's all the rage these days-- just look at the success of "Desperate Housewives"-- everyone is talking about the struggles of the post-modern woman. It might be a bandwagon, but I'm on it.

I've been thinking these days about having more babies. And I'm really thinking about it. I always said I would have zillions of kids. After the birth of Owen, I wanted another, but was soon swayed by the financial implications. Aaron and I started basing our discussions of children on income (sad, but true). We figured that we could, realistically, afford two kids at this point in our lives. We're not talking any time in the next few days or anything... But "probably when O turns two" we'd start trying. The last few weeks, though, I've been really thinking about it.

Basically, I feel like, when you have one child, you can work your life around that baby. Things change, but you still have some semblance of control over things. You can still go out, have time alone, sleep, etc. You are a couple with a child. When you have more than one child in the mix... You become a family. The responsibility increases EXPONENTIALLY. There is suddenly NO time for anything that resembles your former life. It's harder to find a sitter for multiple kids, there's less time when one of them isn't awake/ grabbing at you/ or sucking on you, there's less sleep... It becomes you. You are Mom.

With just Owen, I can manage to get to the gym sometimes, Aaron and I have time together alone every once in a while... And I still feel like I'm on the verge of losing myself. I often feel lost in the shuffle. I feel I'm expected to deal with all household things AND go to work/bring home the bacon AND be primary caregiver to make sure my son has a full/healthy/fabulous upbringing and is smart/thoughtful/sensitive/kind and all that. It's pressure and already a MORE THAN FULL TIME JOB crammed into this small life.

And yet...

On the other hand, I LOVE being a mom. It's the best thing in this whole world. For all the crap that comes along with it-- It's still the best thing I have ever experienced-- miraculous and challenging and fantastic. There is nothing like having a child.

To be continued....