36 week musings

Now that I am nearing the end- on the home stretch- I am having a hard time concentrating on anything else. And I'm giving myself complete permission to do this because I think I have the right. I have been for the most part, jolly, social, and decidedly not completely me-focused for the last 36 weeks... So the few days and weeks that I have left? It's all about me, baby.

So I went out and got accessories for my pump. I am getting my labor bag ready (with snacks and music and gum and all that good stuff). I'm taking baths. I'm having lots of sex (thank you, CNN). I'm talking about baby, baby, baby and how our lives are going to change and how that feels. I'm happy and sad and excited and nervous. We've been going to our birthing class and I'm getting backrubs (and asking for more). But you know what else? I got a hemorrhoid. Never in my life have I experienced this sort of beast and I don't wish it on anyone. What's worse? I'm talking about it, for godssake.

Emotionally, the old-- what am I doing with my life?-- is coming to the fore once again (like it does every 6 weeks or so). I'm wanting to have more women in my life, more friendships, more me time, more creativity, more positive energy. I have a really good job and yet I'm always feeling like it isn't enough... like it isn't it. And I'm not sure I will ever find "it" or even come close to what "it" represents. All I know is, my work doesn't make my soul sing. It's not an accurate expressionn of my true self. But what is??