Freak Out

I'm starting to freak out about childcare for this little bambino. Here's why: Last time around, my mom lived two streets away (when I had Owen). After my maternity leave, she took care of him every day while I was at work. She brought him in to nurse, we had lunch together, etc etc. She did that until he was a full year old. Not only was it incredibly money saving... it was just wonderful to know that someone who loves him as much as I do was spending the day with him.

This time around, my mom's not so sure she's going to sign on for the task. She lives 30 minutes away now. She's started working again... and likes it.

So now I feel a little bit back to the drawing board and the guilt of being a working mom sets in once again. It's like a roller-coaster... and right now, it bothers me a little bit. There are a lot of factors. For Aaron and I, the big one is Benefits with a capital B. I make the benefits. Since Aaron is self-employed, he has not reached the "perk"-status of being so. It means that he has irregular paychecks and no insurance. That's where I come in. I have a check we can count on and all the doctors/dentists visits we could ever hope for.

Some would say-- well then, why doesn't he stay home?-- Staying home is HARD WORK. I don't think my mental status would serve anyone well to stay home full time. But working 3 days a week would be perfect. For me. For Aaron, however, it would drive him to drink. He loves Owen, don't get me wrong. He loves babies. But... It would be a real struggle.

So here I sit, wondering if I can try to fenagle some "work-from-home" scheduling out. I fear because my predecessor really stuck it to him last time around, it'll be deja-vu for my boss and he'll run away in fear. I'm nervous about that, too, because I really love my job. I don't want to give anything up.